A Factory of Sadness

Stiff-jocked Sports Talk Internet

Obvious Troll is Obvious

May 1st, 2012

So, I’m pretty sure someone trolled Dear Abby, at the expense of Cleveland.

A lot of holes in this one, but local radio ate it up. I won’t deny it wasn’t great radio, but I feel it rather irresponsible.

- No one names their dog Patches, NO ONE

- Anyone young enough to have a dog they got in college is NOT writing Abby

- No parent gives a shit if their kid “hates” them. My mom used to have a clipping on the refrigerator that said “Remember: It’s not you that I hate, but your power to thwart me.”

It is a pretty good dig at Cleveland, I won’t lie. I felt slightly infuriated when local news outlets ran with it this morning. But, then again, they were inundated with mouthbreathers arguing whether the dad or the kid was to blame, so maybe they were just playing for ratings. Every sports news outlet in the country did a version of this ad infinitum leading up to the draft, I shouldn’t be surprised. I understand it, you’ve gotta fill space, you’ve gotta spin clock.

Should I just let it go, and feel better about myself for being able to recognize it for what it is?

Or should I hold our media to a higher standard, and feel sorry that they’re reduced to lowest-common-denominator pandering, because it makes for good ratings?

I honestly don’t know.

Smokin’ Weeden

April 30th, 2012

I held off posting on the draft as long as I could, hoping that it was all a dream.

It wasn’t terrible, not by a longshot. But it did give me some cause for question.

Before you read my thoughts, go check out George’s comments (If I had a payroll, that guy would be on it. Damn he’s good. Oh, by the way, click the Amazon link on the lower left – you can buy whatever you want from Amazon, and support A Factory of Sadness in the process. That’s win-win, baby).

Anyway, I’m gonna break this out bullet-point style:

- I’ve made peace with the T-Rich pick. I didn’t think we needed to trade to get him, but that’s the first “hand on my balls” moment the Browns have had in a while, and even if it proves to be foolish, there is something to be said about “changing the culture”. The writing was on the wall for weeks leading up, and it’s not terrible. I’m firmly of the camp that RB’s should not be first round. That being said, dude is a stud, hopefully we can get some SportsCenter moments out of him before he inevitably blows out his knee. Ok, that’s a little rude. I just have a concern with someone with such a hard running style, and a previous injury. I honestly hope he proves me wrong and balls hard for a decade. At the very least, he’ll sell some tickets.

- Brandon Weeden. I’M SO CONFLICTED. There’s a feel-good story in a pitcher that was drafted by the Stanky, Stanky Yankees, washed out, and made his way back to the NFL. Age doesn’t bother me one bit – NFL history is littered with people who got their shot late in their 20′s (NOT just Warner.), and, even if he only gives us 4 years, that’s still better than any QB we’ve had since our return. No, what worries me is that he played QB in a spread offense for the notoriously defense-less Big 12. It’s a man’s game, and I’ll be interested to see if he can make the transition. I feel bad Colt got the shaft, but any starting QB for the Browns is my favorite QB, so I hope my misgivings on this one are again proven wrong.

- I can’t ever get mad at an offensive line pick, doubly so for a “replacement for Tony Pashos” move, but man, Stephen Hill is huge and fast and that would have been awesome.

- John Hughes is the name of the film director that made the Breakfast Club. I bet you didn’t know that.

- The NYG have, like, 9 defensive lineman, and they just won a Super Bowl, so I guess there is something to be said there, but man, talk about showing up to a party with a boner in sweatpants.

- The Miami WR ran a 4.2- 40, and holy hell, that’s fast. Also, I hate Miami and this guy wasn’t even on the radar. Again, we’ll see. I hope i’m wrong.

To sum up, once again, business as usual. I wanted to be really psyched for the season. My curiosity is piqued, to be sure, but I feel like we left a lot on the table. It’s not bad enough to be mad, but not good enough to crap rainbows.

Once again, we’ll have to wait for the season. And we all know how that tends to go.

The Giggle Heard ‘Round the World

April 16th, 2012

Today, Justin Blackmon called in to 92.3 The Fan’s Bull and Fox show. I got out of work late, and missed it, but when I turned it on, the chatter was about a “giggle” Blackmon gave when he was asked about Colt McCoy.

I wasn’t sure if it was sensationalism, or if there was seriously something to suggest he didn’t want to go to Cleveland. (Audio above, the “giggle” in question comes at the very end, maybe 30 seconds remaining.)

I’m still not sure.

They did, however, ask him point blank if he was one of the players mentioned in the recent bleacherreport article that said players don’t want to come to the Browns. (Find it yourself; When they stop with their gratuitous pagination to inflate their views, then they can have a hyperlink. Seriously, that site is almost unreadable.)

He said no. Not like we expected him to say any different.

It’s sort of interesting. I know all the draft rumors and everything are a veritable shark tank, and 90% of player interviews are them trotting out the same tired cliches’.

But maybe there is something here?

I’m not ready to end my #BlackmonOrBust campaign just yet, but things are starting to look a little Santorum.


Damon: The Place for RBIs

April 12th, 2012

So the Indians are acquiring Johnny Damon. Who is 38. As with Derek Lowe, the proof will be in the pudding, so to speak, but it’s working out OK with him so far, so we shall see.

We had 10 hits in a loss to the White Sox on Wednesday, so that’s progress.

The train is lurching out of the station. Hopefully it gets up to full speed.

you love the headline, don’t lie.

Eat Lightning, Crap Thunder

April 10th, 2012

In typical Cleveland fashion, we come to the party late, and not quite as impressive.

But for the moment, we’ve got our Jeremy Lin.

Lester Hudson, the only man in NCAA to record a quadruple-double, is back from the European leagues, and has 74 points in the last 3 games.

I’m just puttin’ this out there – #Hudsanity.

With our two best players on the rack, and a huge string of embarrassing losses as of late, it’s nice to have at least a glimmer of something to get excited about it.

Chicks Dig The Long Ball

April 10th, 2012

That Sox game was rough. Mercifully, the Weather Gods have given us a little time to recuperate, with tonight’s game delayed.

Last in the league in batting average. Sheesh. Sure takes some of the sheen off the optimism I had a scant few days ago.

But we soldier on. Today, we signed Carlos Baseball Santana to an extension, locking him through his arbitration years, and leaving us a club option for 2017, his first year of free agency. Indians GM Chris Antonetti took to 92.3′s Bull and Fox show to express his excitement – with last week’s signing of ASDRUBAL, this locks up our (arguably) best bats for a bit, provides the front office a more clear picture of their financial commitments (which will allow us to make more focused plays for other signings), and removes some of the distraction at a time when we’re getting back into the swing of things. (I’m paraphrasing here, clicky linky to hear the full interview.)

Even after a shaky first inning, the pitching was once again top-shelf, the bats just never got started…again.

I still buy the excuses at this point – it’s cold, it’s early, the list goes on and on. My optimism has been downgraded to “cautious optimism”, but I still think we can make some noise this year.

Time will tell. Now if Acta can stay out of the way. (That’s the subject for another article, however.)


If We Win Tonight, That’s Called a Winning Streak.

April 9th, 2012

I sat down to write an optimistic post about all the bright spots I saw over the weekend in Indians baseball. As I clicked over to today’s game, a scant 15 minutes in, we’re down 3. So, I’m gonna disregard that, and proceed as though I didn’t see that.

We finally got a win. Carlos Baseball Santana went legend on his birthday, contributing two dingers. ( On his last four birthdays, including two years in the minors, Santana is 10 for 17 with five homers and 13 RBIs). Perez once again tried to ruin it, but we held on.

Lowe looked good, Jimenez had a great outing. Those were two of the big question marks with the pitching staff, so we’re looking good.

A 1-2 start isn’t fantastic, but at least we didn’t get swept. I saw enough positive to get me excited for the season. I think we have the potential to do some damage this year.

(If you’re not excited, go to Youtube and watching some video of Tom Hamilton calling Indians games. If that doesn’t get you psyched for baseball, nothing will. That guy’s just the best.)